I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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