I cockslap morals
love makes seman taste better
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
