This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
