i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
