My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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