i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
