Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
