but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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