I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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