I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
