The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
