I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
my liver is dry heaving
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
