My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
