a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
a search helicopter?!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
