It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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