just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
