We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
