By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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