sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
