Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
