You're my little dorito
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
one two three fourrrrnication!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
