he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
