i don't like sucking hair
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
