Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
