Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
