this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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