Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
