Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
