its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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