it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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