the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And then my night got REAL pukey
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
