Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
