I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
