just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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