We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
