cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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