I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
