I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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