We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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