very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
