I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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