you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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