whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
