I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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