and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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