Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
