9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
