i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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