it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
