I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
